Celebrating 50 year

 We are so fortunate in Australia to be able to marry anywhere.

On 19 July 2023, it was 50 years since the Hon Lionel Murphy QC, then Attorney-General, appointed the first civil marriage celebrant in Australia. Lionel Murphy provided choice to marrying couples. Until that time, the option was a Registry Office wedding or a religious wedding. The story goes that given the general opposition to this radical change he typed the letter, found an envelope and posted it himself. He then retyped it to correct a spelling mistake ‘solemnise’.. In the first 12 months, 92 civil celebrants were appointed with the aim of giving an option for a dignified, culturally appropriate ceremony with words, music and ritual meeting the needs of the couple. Today there are around 9,500 registered civil celebrants and over 80% of marriages are civil ceremonies. As a Marriage Celebrant on the Sunshine Coast and having officiated nearly 100 ceremonies I feel so blessed to be part of so many special moments!

What do I do to get Married? – Here are ten tips to start you off:

1.  Create a wedding budget – as a couple decide on how big you want your wedding to be and what you want to spend on this special day. Try to keep to this budget. Ensure you keep track of spending.

2.  Finding a Location – there are so many beautiful outdoor areas on the Sunshine Coast and south-east Queensland. We are really spoilt for choice. Decide how many guests you will be inviting, whether the location needs to be a central point for these guests. Travel can be an expensive factor and might mean taking more time off work.

3. Day of the Week – most people marry at the weekend, but it is often cheaper to marry early in the week. This will mean suppliers and venues are more likely available.

4. Find a Venue – if you are looking for a budget wedding there are plenty of venues where you can BYO, hire a tent/marquee have pop up food vans etc. There is also the option of a Surf/Gold Club that can be quite reasonable with meal packages, and you can stipulate how much you put on the bar. Alternatively, at the top end there are venues with their own wedding Chapels and reception provided per head.  Consider what type of food do they offer, cost per serving, how do they handle special dietary needs.

5. Find a Marriage Celebrant – I would recommend finding a Celebrant within close proximity to the venue. They usually add on for travel so it should be a more reasonable price. You can organise the meetings when you visit the venue. Celebrants are happy to meet you and have a chat without any obligation. It is extra special if you know someone. I have often been asked by friends and relatives to officiate. They will usually give you a discount on the price too.

6. Make sure you have ID for the Legal Paperwork – A wedding celebrant will need to sight your Birth Certificate or Passport to verify your ID. They will also need to see a divorce certificate or Death certificate if you have been married previously. If you don’t have these documents you can apply for them but this will take some time.

7. Decide on Bridesmaids and Groomsmen – Give them a list of responsibilities. Example – creating a wedding hashtag or wedding group. Advice on designing invitations and wedding outfits.

8. Deciding on Wedding guests to invite and design invitations – It’s hard to decide on who should or shouldn’t come to your wedding. Discuss this carefully together, who you have strong connections and who have been important to you both as a couple through the years. Obviously, it is hard with family and there are expectations, but if there are aunts and cousins that you really have no relationship with maybe because they live far away, then this it’s understandable that they wouldn’t be on the list. It’s also important that you have agreed on an equal number of friends and family.

9. Book a Photographer – they can get busy during the peak season and particularly on a weekend. A local photographer will probably be cheaper. If you have had friends who have recently got married ask them for recommendations about suppliers.

10. What to wear? –  this is a very important factor particularly for the bride, there is no doubt she will be the centre of attention!

The dress is entirely up to you and can be formal or informal. It will also depend on the location and season of the wedding. Brides often like to be in white or cream and make sure the dress works for your figure. It is lovely to take your mother and girlfriends along to choose or get an idea of your dress.  For my wedding I saw a dress design I loved and then gave the design to a local dressmaker, and it was a third of the original price. Decide on what your colours are and add in some colour to the dress. The colour can be matched in the outfit of the groom and groomsmen. There is plenty of choice but make sure that as well as looking amazing it is something you feel comfortable and not too hot in for the whole day

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Remembering those who have passed

I know this is a delicate subject however, I feel it’s important to ask if couples would like to mention a late family member in the wedding. This decision to decide if they want to include them in the ceremony is entirely up to the couple

I encourage couples to discuss together how they both feel about it. If it is something meaningful and if they wish to honour the person they are missing, then it’s lovely thought to mention them.  But if there are doubts or they don’t feel a hundred percent sure about the matter, then leave it and revisit it as the date comes close. Everyone deals with loss in a different way.  If they prefer not to mention a lost relative that is totally fine, it doesn’t make you insensitive. They shouldn’t be pressured to do anything they don’t want to. It is a good idea to give some time and space to think about it and decide what they feel comfortable with. 

 If the passing is recent, some of guests, especially those who loved that person, could feel overwhelmed, and the focus taken away from the ceremony.  If you feel like some of your close family members could have a difficult time dealing with this I would strongly advice talking to them privately, so they know and are emotionally prepared. For many this moment will be a time an opportunity for reflection rather than dampening the mood. They will no doubt feel joy and gratitude for the role that person played in your life.

Depending on the relationship between you and your loved one, there are plenty of options to make them part of your celebration.

Ways to honour your Loved Ones

• Save a seat for them at your ceremony and perhaps place a photo, or a white balloon you can let go at the end of the ceremony to say goodbye.
• A tie could be worn by the groom or a piece of jewellery by the bride; grandmas and grandpas have amazing pieces like cufflinks, a watch, earrings, necklaces, or a brooch.
• Pick your grandparents or parents favourite flower and incorporate them into your bouquet or the boutonniere. 
• Pin a photo of them on you.
• Light a Candle to remember those who are there in spirit.
• Include a photo of them on the signing table so they are included in the signing of the register.

Celebrant mentions them in the Ceremony

Take a moment at the start of the ceremony to share what they mean to you and how they are missed – some examples below of wording that can be incorporated to remember those that are no longer with us:

‘’We think about you always, we talk about you still. You have never been forgotten, and you never will. We hold you close within our hearts and there you will remain. To walk and guide us through our lives, until we meet again.”

“Those we love don’t go away they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear.”

“On this special day, our thoughts are with the loved ones who could not be with us. We feel your presence in our hearts.”

“Forever in our thoughts, you have never gone away. We wish you could be here to share our special day.”

“Your presence is in our hearts as we say, ‘I Do’. We proudly say our vows in loving memory of you.”

For many, a grandmother or grandfather is much more than just a relative; they are like our second parents and a key part of our lives. Although they are not here with us in person I am sure they are here with us in spirit.

There are some great packages available for weekday weddings. If you would prefer a small wedding but still want beautiful styling and photographs then Elope to the Sunshine Coast have some fantastic offers.